Why I Don't Write

I put off writing for a long time. 

I had convinced myself that I have nothing interesting to share; I’m not important, I’m really not very good, I’m not an expert in anything, and no one would even read it.

Two years ago, I felt a tug on my heart to write, but for two years, these mental barriers have prevented me from doing so. These are the so-called “reasons why I don’t write.”

The problem.

I’ve read over 100 blogs from many authors covering many different topics and have only subscribed to two blogs over the last five years. There is always some lame excuse for my blog snobbery: The topics are uninteresting; the articles are not written well; or the authors have no idea what they’re talking about [according to me].

I may also refuse to continue reading simply because of the [over]use of the word “like”; the number of run-on sentences; the use of the word “anxious” in place of “eager”; or—most commonly—the typeface. I have no problem criticizing the writings of others, but when it comes to sitting down with a Word Doc and keyboard, I somehow always find something else to be doing. And let’s be honest, the other something is [usually] a waste of time.

So here’s the dilemma. Clearly, I have a lot of opinions about good writing and blogging, but I haven’t written for myself. Why? Because I am afraid of people like me who will point out the many flaws in my writing style, designs, or content! That’s my problem: fear.

The reasoning.

Humans face many challenges: spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, you name it. Understandably, humans often respond to new things with fear. This is natural. Except for the few people with the rare ability to ignore fear—either because they have found themselves at rock bottom with absolutely nothing else to lose, are annoyingly arrogant, or are just plain stupid (sometimes all three). For most of us, we’re just afraid. I know I am generalizing here but bear with me.

For non-life-threatening challenges, fear is often rooted in feelings of incompetence, insecurity, or perhaps a bad experience with failure. Why even try if we are not even good? It’s much safer to point out the flaws in others’ work than risk trying to create our own. Recognizing that others are not perfect and showing mercy may be accessible in these circumstances, yet we often expect or strive to be perfect ourselves. So, the thought of not performing to those standards is terrifying.

The thing is, God doesn’t call us to be perfect—or even competent—as we face new challenges. God calls us merely to show up despite our incompetence (AKA courage). Courageous people don’t ignore their fear. They admit weakness and hand it over to God’s care. That’s the point. When we succeed despite our flaws and failures, God can show off his transformative power of changing us for the better. The important thing is giving Him a chance to show off by showing up when we are afraid. 

 The solution.

As you can tell, I am far from perfect and could use a lot of transformation. So why have I denied God this perfect opportunity to demonstrate his greatness? 

There is no good answer to that question other than, “It’s ’bout time I showed up!” Despite the possibility of not being very good or exciting, I will write. That way, God can make me better, and all of my readers will see the wondrous difference He has made in my life.

I’m not an expert and have no idea what I am or will be doing—and I have a severe tendency to use run-on sentences like this one—but I know I will improve because God is cool like that. Stick around and find out.

*exhales deeply* Well, here goes nothing.*exhales deeply* Well, here goes nothing.